What I’d done was toproped the boulder problem, negating an essential aspect of its boulder problemocity. I had climbed a strange simulacrum — a toprope route with the exact holds and moves of a well-known problem. No longer was there a threat of flying into talus as I levered my limbs over the lip of the climb — I was safe, and the fear that always weighed on my bouldering go-or-don’t-go equation was gone. So when I climbed the Gill Pinch on TR, I used all of my strength and technique in the way they should be used. I climbed with total faith in my capabilities. Of course, this is a totally unnatural state for me — fear makes me overgrip, back down, and generally louse up sequences... and it keeps me from crossing that line over which you’ll find compound fractures and trips to the hospital. I later roped in to Left Eliminator, a sideways dyno to a flat jug. The crux: holding a wild, helicoptering swing after hitting the jug. The price of failure: a flying, sideways landing on hardpack and rubble. Bolstered by my thread of courage, I pulled on and stuck the iron cross dyno first go, smearing wildly unto the finish. I was momentarily proud of my V5 flash, and then remembered the magic invalidator: the rope. Ah well, at least I learned I was physically a match for the prob. 

One might ask whether a layer of pads and some good spotters could have the same effect as a TR, and I feel the answer is no. While reducing the likelihood of injury in the case of a fall, pads and spotters don’t keep you from decking. You can still break a leg if you land wrong, or crack your skull when your sketchy spotter drops the ball. No, truly the prophylactic effect of a toprope is unique in the climbing world, removing almost all danger from an otherwise risky pursuit. A toprope isolates the climb it protects from its usual consequences, thus transforming it into a surreal, dangerless version of climbing. Not useless — because much can be learned while on toprope — but invalid in some sense.

Nonetheless, a lowly toprope taught me with great clarity how much fear changes my approach to a climb, for better or for worse. And another thing: in its rope-dabalicious, bumper-cars way, it let me stop giving a second thought to potential falls and just enjoy the moves, which is actually a very sweet feeling, and a big part of why I climb anyway.