Here’s my office. I like to keep it simple: an autographed poster of Sharma on his realization of Realization (9a+), a bank of monitors with a dedicated T1 line for my machine, an espresso machine, and my gear bin. Sure, you can take a peak! Just step up onto the ladder and lift the lid. Ah, I forgot the security code; allow me. There you are, gaze away! Yep, that’s the upcoming aerogel crashpad. Scientists initially used aerogel to capture micro-meteors as they fell to earth; it’s the lightest solid known to man. At 14oz, that pad can stop a digger from 25 feet. I know, sick brau. And those shoes are prototypes, not due out till 2015 (awaiting government clearance on the tech) — they use that Gecko nano-hair design you’ve read about to tap into the super-powerful forces of the quantum universe. Take your time; dig through. Ooh, that? I can’t tell you what that does. In fact, I’m going to have to erase your memory. Sorry, shouldn’t have let you see that — just hold still, this won’t hurt a bit… there, all better.

Finally, we have the Head Honcho’s office. Yup, behind the stained glass doors. Unfortunately, I can’t let anyone in there. Actually, he’s inside working now, and despite the soundproof walls, we’ve probably already disturbed him — he’s very sensitive. Please, this way, quickly!

In the sitting room here, we have a news feed — it’s like a stock ticker, but with line after line of breaking news being submitted, via phone, email, text message, even Morse code in the case of our more remote operatives, by our global network of contributors. It’s pretty handy when we’re putting together Hot Flashes. Hey, will you look at that! A 7-year-old from Slovenia just flashed Action Direct. Don’t know if we’ll have room to run that one, but interesting nonetheless! Certainly, help yourself to some tea — that’s a special Tibetan blend Reinhold Messner brought back for us. Namaste.