From one master to another
Bravo! to Tommy Caldwell. “The Dihedral Wall” [October] is the most heartfelt, honest, soulful … simply the best article that I’ve read about rock climbing in rather a long time. Small wonder that the man is climbing as well as he is.

Grease enlightening
I figure if you are going to plug the technology in your editorial [“The Great Escape,” December], you might as well give the name of the company that makes the conversion: Greasecar. Their website is www.greasecar.com.
On a different note, the story by Mark Synnott [“The Scorpion Wall”] was the most entertaining and different piece on climbing I’ve read in some time. Synott’s writing style kept me laughing for what were surely some difficult travails. It’s good to know that some truly wild and exotic places still exist. I hope that the next parties have twice as difficult a time with access so it stays that way.

Reality check
After several years of climbing at the local gym, I have had numerous patrons complain, “Climbing indoors is nothing like the real thing!” So to help you make your facility more like “the real thing” I have compiled the list below for the indoor climbing wall manager:
1. Remove the roof. Rain, snow, high winds and the occasional lightning strike will definitely make it more like the outdoors.
2. Bathrooms, saunas, water fountains — gone.
3. It should take at least two hours to get to the gym and require a high-clearance vehicle.
4. Directions to the gym should include such helpful hints as “turn left at the big tree.” The approach to the climbing wall should be class 4.
5. Replace the soft mats with dirt, sharp rocks, and plantings of poison oak.
6. Invite locals to have keggers in the gym every weekend. Encourage throwing glass beer bottles at the climbing wall.
7. Remove 70 percent of the lead bolts and ensure the remaining ones are rusty.
8. Climbing holds should randomly pull off the wall. (Hint: use Velcro to hold them on.)
9. Assign a staff member whose responsibility is to throw pebbles, dirt, and bird poop from the top of climbs.
10. Most belay spots should be in precarious positions. If a climber falls, ensure that they will most likely fall onto a ledge.
11. Start a mosquito farm.
12. Seasonally close off certain sections of the gym for “Raptor Nesting.”
With your help, we can turn climbing gyms into a realistic experience.

Thanks, Lucas. Sounds like our local gym!

Afghan rock?
I am a major in the United States Army currently serving in Afghanistan supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. I am an Indiana National Guardsman on an 18-month tour of duty. One of my favorite activities is rock climbing, and Afghanistan has plenty of it. There are plenty of both active-duty and guardsman here who love to climb. Unfortunately, we cannot get out to climb as often as we would like, so I look forward to every care package that my wife sends me with issue of Climbing in it. I have had several guys try and take my issues before I am done with them. Thank goodness I have a good grip. Have you ever thought about doing an issue about the climbing in Afghanistan? There are some amazing climbs if you can make it past the mines and bullets.

Iran is probably as close as we’ll come for a while, Major Doshi, but in the meantime make friends with as many local climbers as you can.

Blurring the line?
I just finished sitting down with my niece to look at my new issue of Climbing [January 2005]. I was shocked to get to page 4 and see an ad for “Blurr” featuring a women getting ready to reach her hand down the pants of another women. Are you serious?! Forget about which sex is doing what, that’s not the point, it would be wrong no matter what. What does this have to do with climbing? Is this an “R” rated magazine now? Very disappointing and a total sell out on your part! I’ll make sure I check the issue out before I let any kids read this now.

Editor’s note: T.S., we are sympathetic, but Climbing does not, as a rule, censor paid advertisements unless we know them to be blatantly misleading or obscene. Tastes and tolerances vary, and all parents should note that there are numerous activities mentioned in Climbing that may not be appropriate for unsupervised perusal by young children, including, but not limited to, alcohol and drug use, dropping out of school, and the glorification of alpinism.