Louis Vuitton Sells $1,590 Chalk Bag

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The height of chalk bag fashion.

The height of chalk bag fashion.

How much would you spend on a chalk bag? 20 dollars? 40 dollars? The same amount you'd spend on a double rack of Black Diamond C4 cams from .3 to no. 6?

Right now on Louis Vuitton's website you can purchase the stylish Chalk Nano Bag for $1,590. No, this chalk bag will not help you climb any better. It's not even heated. In fact, the care instructions say that the bag should be kept away from abrasive surfaces and out of direct sunlight, so I can only assume that, like a keychain carabiner, this is a not-for-climbing chalk bag.

The product description on the Louis Vuitton website reads:

The Chalk Nano bag showcases the distinctive Louis Vuitton Monogram pattern alongside contemporary practical details. With a supple shape inspired by climbers' chalk bags, this item can be comfortably worn on the shoulder or across the body. It is decorated with a sleek chain and functional carabiner fastening on the strap, which are signatures of Virgil Abloh's Spring-Summer 2019 designs.

Of course, for $1,590 you only get the base model. For $2,030, you can get the chalk bag in black.

This one costs $440 more because it's $440 more fashionable.

This one costs $440 more because it's $440 more fashionable.

Also in the line are the $2,250 Chalk Sling Bag and $3,000 Chalk Backpack, which are like medium and large chalk bucket backpacks, presumably for highball boulder problems so tall that you need more chalk than an ordinary chalk bag can hold. Or, more likely, galas.

This isn't the first time a fashion brand has co-opted climbing gear and made it absurdly expensive. The Italian brand Off-White sold a set of four Kong stoppers as a "Medium Industrial Keychain," for $219. Last year we also saw the price of second-hand Silent Partners skyrocket, but that was due to scarcity, not socialites looking for ways to flaunt their wealth.

As of press time, Louis Vuitton's store locator does not show the chalk bag in stock anywhere in either climber-centric Colorado or fashion-centric New York City, confirming that this is a must-have summer climbing and fashion accessory.