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April Fools: Sendhaüs Opens World’s Largest Rock Gym—the Size of the Whole World

Sendhaüs, North America’s leading rock-gym chain and an industry leader since 2017, is proud to announce the opening of the world’s largest rock gym, Sendhaüs Über. With 1,597,675,921,459,200 square feet of space—the total exposed land-surface area of Earth—Sendhaüs Über is poised to deliver the ultimate in climbing, fitness, and community to consumers.

“For a while now, we’ve been looking to expand into new markets, bringing that trademark Sendhaüs™ experience to avid as well as new or potential climbers,” says Döösh Bagley, CEO of Sendhaüs Inc. “But we were having trouble finding the right location—all the premium real estate next to CrossFit centers was taken. Then we realized, why not own all locations—in other words, the entire habitable planet?”

Using Sendhaüs’s patented Grïppwäll Technology™, the Sendhaus team was able to install a frictiony, wood-like, T-nutted climbing surface across Earth’s entire exposed landmass, from the dunes of the Sahara to the bottom of the Grand Canyon to the deepest interior of the Amazon rainforest. Comprising 10 quintillion T-nut holes, the Grïppwäll surface contains a nearly infinite number of setting possibilities, offering routes of all grades and lengths to both members and visitors in a bright, modern facility with picture windows the size of the entire sky. “Heck, there’s even a new dual-texture-volume route right up the Nose of El Capitan,” said Sendhäus’s Head Sëttër, Rolf Bjornquist.

Bjornquist added that he was most proud of the new “Yellow Tape” route up Mount Everest, which more or less follows the standard Khumbu Icefall–South Col–Hillary Step route. However, instead of a tangle of ratty fixed lines, guides, and hypoxic, half-dead corporate clients and IG influencers on the Step, there’s a safe toprope and fun dinosaur-head holds that make the line a “must-tick for the kiddos.”

“That one was kind of a bear to put in,” says Bjornquist. “But it was worth it. Though I’m kind of dreading heading back up there next month to strip the holds and put in a new climb.”

In keeping with Sendhaüs’s Hëad-to-Tøe™ fitness and wellness philosophy, the new Sendhaüs Über will also offer the full array of premium complementary services members have become accustomed to. “We have a 10-million-square-foot sauna in Florida, a 20,000-seater smoothie and coffee bar in Nova Scotia, a 30-million-square-foot yoga room in Namibia, a 1-million-square-foot spray wall in Argentina along with 50,000 campus and hangboards, and a 5-million-square-foot weight room in Siberia,” says Bagley. “The sign-in area, pro shop, and locker rooms, we put in Tasmania.”

Adds Bagley, “While it will take some time to get dressed and travel to your Sendhaüs Über location of choice, we believe the increased size of the facilities and the new, more numerous options available more than make up for any inconvenience.”

Because of the costs associated with Sendhaüs’s expansion, members should expect to see their monthly dues increase from $90 a month to $600,000; meanwhile, a day pass will now cost $100,000, or $998,000 for a punch pass of 10. To fill out the new 1-million page waiver, please visit sendhaüs.com.