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Now climbing in my time was a far stretch from today
Wooden shoes, chain mail helmets and ropes made of hay
And now that I’m old; my bones to brittle to climb
I can’t help but reminisce of that long ago time.
It was 1231, the year of our lord
When I spied the young bloke who carried a sword
“My lady is locked,” he cried, “in the tower so tall,
“The tower of the Duke; if I climb it I surely will fall.”
“Can you help me,” he asked, in quite a stern tone
“If I don’t get her free I’ll live my life all alone”
And as a lower class page I knew it would not be bright
To refuse the request of such a chivalrous knight.
“Of course, good sir,” I spoke with trembling fear
“Anything to rescue your maiden so dear”
The tower loomed sinister, perhaps five furlongs high
But I started up anyway, towards the dark sky.
My fingers cleared moss from inside the cracks
Any nary halfway up the wall I found it hard to relax
Upon realizing I’d climbed too much to reverse
I found myself cursing in language quite terse.
At last I frictioned to the window above
To rescue the princess in the name of romantic love
And with my first success as an enterprising young chap
I started a business, “Tower Rescues in a Snap.”
Kidnapped women in castles was common in my land
And as demanded exploded, I soon needed a hand
I found an eager pauper from the family of Belay
Who’d been a thief by night and a brewer by day.
“I’ll give you honest work,” I said to the man
“But you must hold my rope and give advice when you can”
And as the Schillings piled higher I bought the latest in gear
Grass rope and leather straps to help stifle my fear
Rescues in the winter were a fair bit more pricey
As many of the towers had walls that were icy
With daggers tied to my boots, I’d climb in the cold
Upwards of six rescues a night; some very bold
On the churches of the city that were too tall for one cord
I swung leads with Belay; the easy parts were ignored
And with our success we grew famous in the state
Sponsored by Earls and York for a good climbing gear rate
I began to see change by the year 1241
When villagers began scaling walls for no other reason than fun!
What had been good work to pay all of my dues
Became so popular it was found in the scrolls of the news.
As time wore on, Belay and I were forgotten
Under a sea of new climbers; all clad in pink cotton
So when you are scared and climbing with a shiny, new cable
Just remember how we did this with nothing to put food on the table.