The Gumby picked up climbing after scoring a sweet Groupon deal. His new Facebook profile pic—a butt shot of him gym-toproping—has elicited comments from concerned aunts, as well as a “You’re just as crazy as I was at your age” from Uncle Benny. On any given night, you’ll catch the Gumby walking out of the bathroom in rental shoes, wearing a harness in the bouldering cave, and offering big-voiced beta to his timid Tinder match on their first date. Although he and a few fellow Gumbies have planned to visit the “Real Cliffs” for months, the only rope owner keeps flaking—literally. He started uncoiling his rope a week ago, and still can’t get the figure 8 knot out of the middle. All the while, the Gumby is losing steam as the middle-school team flashes his projects. No bother: The Gumby is ready for his next big challenge: SCUBA with sharks!

Dreams of

• Netflix & chilling
• Lead certification
• Whitewater-rafting bachelor party
• Finally pulling the trigger on a set of quickdraws 

Stomping Grounds

• Brooklyn, New York
• Miami, Florida
• Bay Area, California

Lingo

• Spin class
• Belay test (and re-test, and re-test … )
• Paleo diet
• Meal-prep Sundays
• Stopper knot
• Membership
• Leg day
• Toprope
• Double dyno
• Figure four

More Cragsters:

• The Offwidthionado
• The Pebble Wrestler
• The Crag Royal
• The High Roller
• The Trad Dad
  
• The Purist
• The Hog Hauler