Unsent: 100 Free Replacement Route Names

Developers in Ten Sleep, as well as other areas, recently made the decision to change climbing route names that could make groups of people feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. That’s great. As a community, we should work to make our sport more inclusive. There are still plenty of unfortunate route names out there, so there’s a lot more work to be done.

For those who aren’t familiar, here’s some background on how climbing routes are named: One day someone climbs a route and then makes up the name, and then we call it that. That’s it. El Capitan sat there for 220 million years before someone pointed to the prow and said, “That’s the Nose” and then everyone was like, “Yeah, totally. The Nose.” So, maybe route names aren’t all that important, and we shouldn’t be precious about them for reasons that so often hold back the human race, like “tradition” and “preserving history.”

If, say, the Old Faithful geyser in Yellowstone had been called “Mom **** **** *** **** **** ****er,” most people would agree that we should change the name. It’s in a national park, it belongs to all of us. Everyone should be able to enjoy it. The vast majority of climbs in the US are located on public land, so let’s hold ourselves to the same standard.

If you’re a first ascensionist who has named a route something regrettable in the past, you have the opportunity to do the right thing. Consider changing it to one of the names below. If you’re a first ascensionist, and you’re considering a name for your new line that is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, crass, or anything else that would make people feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, use one of the names below instead. These 100 route names are provided free of charge to anyone who needs them.

1. The Direct Route—It’s worked for plenty of other routes
2. The Indirect Route—Actually has not been used before, according to a Mountain Project search
3. Route #62,485–I don’t know how many routes exist to date, but yours could be the 62,485th
4. The Nose—People all have noses, why not all cliffs?
5. Carl—It’s worked for plenty of people named Carl
6. Pizza—For a delightful route that everyone will enjoy
7. The Crimplympics
8. Lightening Bolts—Maybe this a route that was retrobolted, so the bolts make you feel lighter when you climb it now
9. Ledgend—For a great route that ends on a ledge
10. Cam Pain Campaign—A sharp finger crack
11. Tricameral Legislature—Some Gunks route, probably
12. Stopper and Go—A route with a big runout above a stopper
13. Carabinaribbean Cruise—It’s stupid, but you can use it. Why not?
14. Harness the Power—You know, because climbers wear harnesses. Usually.
15. Rack or Roll—For a low-angle trad route. Bring the rack or…
16. Not My Problem—For when someone else let’s you name their boulder problem
17. Picnic Pleaser—This is the name of a sandwich I like at the local bagel shop. It could also make a good route name, whether or not you’re referencing the sandwich
18. Janice—It’s worked for plenty of people named Janice
19. Ornithopter—It suggests that it’s going to make you flap your wings, and it’s fun to say
20. Intersloper—For a route with a sloper right where you don’t want it
21. Careless Whipper
22. Wham!—A highball, while we’re on the George Michael theme
23. Crater Lake—Also a highball
24. ?—Just to be clear, it’s not called “Head Explode Emoji,” it’s called “?”
25. Jasper—This is my dog’s name, and I love him. I’d be stoked if you named your route after my dog
26. Fallafel—It’s barely a pun, but it is
27. Curtain Call—For an ice route with a curtain feature

28. The Nose 2: The Nose’s Revenge—Why aren’t route sequels a thing

29. Electronics—I used a random word generator for this and the next 9 names

30. Produce

31. Roar

32. Major

33. Overcharge

34. Cellar—A cave boulder problem, probably

35. Earthwax—Not sure what this is, but it does sound neat

36. Drawer—A great option for a sport route at a mostly trad area

37. Breathe—Kind of intimidating. Maybe like a hard, runout route

38. Auditor—Also kind of intimidating, like it’ll audit your ability on that style of climbing

39. Roll With the Punches—I used a random phrase generator for this and the next 9 names

40. Up in Arms

41. High and Dry

42. Out on a Limb

43. Head Over Heels

44. Love Birds

45. In the Red—For a route at the Red

46. Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

47. Wake Up Call

48. Tug of War

49. The Nose 3: Back in Time

50. Scarlett—It’s clever if the route has pin scars

51. Jamthony—Jams + Anthony

52. Crimpstina—Crimps + Christina

53. Crimpstopher—Crimps + Christopher

54. Kneebarbara—I don’t need to explain this

55. The Green Route—Maybe for a route with a lot of lichen or moss

56. Gray Night—For a granite route

57. Lemons and Limestone—For a limestone route

58. A Line in the Sand—Some Indian Creek route

59. Head in the Sand—Some Indian Creek offwidth

60. Basalt and Pepper—For a basalt route

61. Quartz Conglomerate Incorporated Inc.—For a quartz conglomerate route

62. The Nose 4: Rise of the Space Captain

63. Clean Slate—For a difficult friction slab

64. Side Splitter—For a corner crack

65. Cornered—For a corner

66. Corner Store—For a corner

67. Coroner Corner—For a hard/scary corner

68. Two Fists to Freedom—A route with a sustained fist stack offwidth

69. Super Spicy Chicken Wings—A poorly protected offwidth

70. Knot Checker—For a route that’s difficult to onsight

71. Plunger—Another route that’s difficult to onsight

72. The Decline—A slab

73. Frosted Flake—Probably a mixed route, with ice and a flake

74. The Nose 5: Back to School

75. $

76. BoulderProblem.com

77. Cool Route

78. The Good Time Climb

79. Frank—It’s worked for plenty of people named Frank

80. Potato Stranger—The names don’t have to make sense. You can just put two random nouns together

81. Hedgehog Defibrillator

82. Rubberband Houseplant

83. Flashlight Conch

84. Bird Boardgame—Alliteration is fun, too

85. Cabbage Cactus

86. Shadow Chef

87. Helicopter Helper

88. Lamplight Lemon

89. The Aardvark—Anything with “the” sounds mysterious

90. The Bookstore

91. The Submarine

92. Armoire—Some words sound cool on their own

93. Timpani

94. Coriander

95. The Economics of Clouds—You can also make up phrases that sound poignant, but don’t mean anything

96. Destiny’s Shipping Route

97. If—That sounds thought-provoking on its own!

98. Pumpernickel—That has “pump” in it, which is a climbing term

99. Ftorpliprioprity—That’s a word I made up. 100 route names was ambitious, and now it’s after 7 and I want to stop working. You can do that, though—make up words

100. The Nose Sit

As you can see, route names don’t have to be good or make sense. They only need to identify a section of rock, so we have a shared understanding of which section of rock we’re all talking about. If you can’t do that without offending or harming others, just choose one of the names above instead.

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